As promised, here is the Tamer: King of Dinosaurs 7 teaser!
The Tamer 7 Kickstarter is ongoing, and is in striking distance of a $100k stretch goal. Supporting the Kickstarter gets you early access to the book, the opportunity to grab signed paperbacks, and erotic digital paintings of Victor and his tribe of sexy alien women.
Check it out here: The Tamer: King of Dinosaurs 7 Kickstarter
(not proofread yet, please excuse any typos)
By the time Trel and I walked through Hope’s doggie door, the rest of the tribe was already mounted on dinos and talking amongst themselves. Sheela and Galmine were on Bob with Shirley Temple and Jinx, one of the Emeralds and Kacerie were on Sonny, Tannin and Emta were on Cher, Liahpa sat next to Adella and Keefaye on Tom, Urka sat next to the other Emerald on Katie, Youleena and Zoru rode on Nicole, Quwaru rode on Ad-Rock solo, and both Nomi and a very-smoky-and-not-burning Gee sat on Mike D with a frown on her beautiful face. This meant that MCA, Hope, Bevis, and Butthead didn’t have a rider.
“Which dino will you take?” Trel purred as she squeezed my hand.
“I’d love to ride with you,” I said as I squeezed her hand back and nodded over to the two pachys, “but I see that you made some new saddles for Beavis and Butthead. If you’d like to ride one with me, that would be cool, or you can ride on MCA.”
“I tested the saddle on those big headed ones for a bit,” Trel said. “They are fast, yes, but also bumpy. I’ll ride on MCA. He has a nice rolling gait that is perfectly pleasing for someone who has finer tastes in travel.”
“Go for it,” I snickered, and then Trel’s back spider-legs rose and then crab walked across so that she could easily climb up onto MCA’s saddle.
“We are ready to go,” Kacerie said as Sonny shuffled a bit toward me.
“Alright… ” I gave one last look to the door of the inner fort, and then I walked a few yards over to where Nomi and Gee were sitting on Mike D.
“I feel like shit,” Gee groaned and rolled her glowing green eyes before I could ask her.
“Sorry.” I gave her a smile and noticed that the two women were holding each other’s hands. “Does that help?”
“Yes,” Nomi whispered. “I don’t have to really use my power. I can just focus a bit. Almost as if I am tightening my stomach.”
“Gee, are you going to be okay for the trip?” I asked her.
“I am the fire born one,” she sighed. “I can bear any pain for any length of time. Do not worry about me. I won’t fail you.”
“Okay,” I said. “Like I said, there are a few water crossings where you can take a break and swim, but then there is the long stretch with the climb up the jungle mountain and down the other side. There is a cave we might be able to take a break in where you can’t burn anything, but it’s really about two days until we get to the ocean, and there won’t be much water.”
“I will probably get used to it,” Gee said. “But the sooner we leave, the sooner I can let the fire consume me again.”
“Yep,” I laughed as I mounted up on Beavis. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”
My tribe glanced at each other in confusion for a second, and then Keefaye laughed.
“I don’t know why you want us to suck on an ice building, but I’ll suck on anything you want, Victor.”
“Huh,” Urka snickered. “I heard: ‘wind this dessert treat shop,’ but I think I like yours better. It’s more sexual.”
“This is going to be a long trip,” Emta groaned. “I’m going to have to listen to you all try to play, ‘who is Victor going to bury his cock into tonight?’”
“You can be first,” Trel cackled.
“Ahhh… that’s okay…” Emta held up her hands and actually seemed to blush a bit.
“I’ll teach you what to do,” Trel said as she stuck her tongue out. “Since you are obviously inexperienced in pleasing our husband.”
“I am not inexperienced,” Emta huffed. “I’ll have you know that I know how to please a male. I don’t need your fucking help fucking, Trel.”
“Good!” Trel cackled again. “Emta will breed with Victor tonight, and since she is an expert, she will no doubt milk all the sperm from him and bear the tribe a beautiful child.”
“Hold up a sec--” Emta growled as her hair began to twist violently, but I decided we’d talked about this topic enough.
“Let’s just get a move on,” I cleared my throat. “Yah!”
If this was a normal cattle drive or wagon caravan, it probably would have taken a few minutes to get everyone’s horses and carts started and in a line, but this was Dinosaurland, and I was the tamer of these dinosaurs, so I just issued the dinos the command to get moving, and every single one of the massive beasts begin to step in time like a well seasoned marching band down the street.
“Let’s test this saddle out, ehhh Beavis?” I asked the pachy, and then I tapped my heels gently to his stomach, and my steed rushed forward toward the gate with the speed of a motorcycle. I made it to the gate before Bob, so I quickly dismounted, lifted up the gate, and then gestured widely with my arm like I was the doorman at an expensive hotel.
Each of my tribemates gave me a smile as they rode past, and Trel leaned down from MCA’s back with her spider-legs holding onto his plates so that she could give me a quick kiss before she rode out.
Hope and Butt-Head were the last ones through the door, so commanded Beavis to walk out.
Then I gave the inside of the fort one last look as I let out a long breath.
“I’m going to miss this place,” I whispered to myself. “Lots of good memories, but we’ll have new ones.”
I felt Beavis gently nuzzle against my back, and I turned to see that the rest of my tribe had stopped their dinos on the other side of the ditch we’d dug around the perimeter of the wall about fifty yards away. They were all watching me, so I gave them a quick wave, jumped on Beavis, and then rode him across the raised dirt bridge.
“You aren’t going to close the gate?” Kacerie asked me.
“Naw. I remember how scared I was when I first got here, and I would have appreciated a place like this.”
“But what if one of our enemies uses it?” Emta asked.
“I’m just going to hope that it doesn’t happen,” I said. “We are getting out in time, so I’m going to hope that these assholes from the other camp come here, see we aren’t here, and then forget about us. Then, after that, if anyone comes down to Dinosaurland in a beam of light, they can find safety here.”
Everyone nodded, and then I sent another command to get our dinos moving into the redwoods.
The forest smelled of pine sap, dirt, and mystery, and I smiled a bit as all the memories of the place flooded my mind. The shade of the trees was actually a bit colder than I expected, and a bunch of goosebumps descended down my shoulders as we rode. Our pace wasn’t fast, it was maybe just a bit quicker than we would have walked, so I knew that the chill I felt wasn’t really from the wind.
Sheela had been worried that the world was approaching winter, and it was another reason I was happy to be moving. The coast would probably be milder, and with Youleena’s help, we’d probably be able to put our homes deeper into the slope of the cliff where our new fort would be.
“Hey, Sheela,” I called out as I rode up next to Bob at the front of the dino-caravan. “Remember when we used to make this run every morning on foot with the clay jugs to get water?”
“Yes.” She smiled at me. “It was not that long ago.”
“I used to get very worried,” Galmine said as she petted both Jinx and Shirley. “Everytime you both came back I was very grateful.”
“Doing it with Hope got easier,” I chuckled. “Then, when we got the trikes, it was easier still.”
“This would have been such a pain to plumb out.” Trel road up to us, and she gestured to the ground of our path. “Can you imagine all the digging and the clay pipe we would have to lay.”
“Well… We do a lot of pipe laying…” I giggled to myself, but Trel didn’t hear over the sound of the dinosaurs clomping along, so she kept talking.
“Digging the well is such a better idea. I’m glad Victor thought of it.”
“Galmine gave me the idea,” I said. “I didn’t realize you could sense water.”
“I did not think it would be so useful!” the gray-skinned beauty laughed. “It does help the little plants grow, and I am good at making things grow.”
“When we get to the new fort, I’d like to review everyone’s abilities and the levels and such in their Eye-Q.” I said. “I’m sure you’ve all gained levels, but I’m wondering if there is a way we can force it to level.”
“What do you mean?” Sheela asked.
“Well, your skill is Critical Strike, correct?” I asked.
“Yes, Victor.” Sheela nodded.
“When we first met, you said it was level one. What level is it now?”
Sheela blinked her eyes twice and then tilted her head a bit.
“It is level two now.”
“Okay,” I said. “You’ve gained a level probably because you’ve used it to fight a bunch. You know, you’ve used it a lot.”
“I have not used it quite that often.” Sheela frowned a bit. “I often forget to trigger it before I throw my spear or shoot my bow. I normally hit without the use of the ability, but I should train it more. I agree.”
“That’s my point,” I said. “I don’t know if it works this way, but we should focus on using our Eye-Q abilities in a safe environment to get them more powerful, just like training. Then when we need to use them for life or death stakes, we’ll be more powerful.”
“That makes sense, Victor.”
“Mine is five!” Trel cackled.
“Structure Building?” I asked as we turned to where she rode on MCA.
“Yes.” Trel nodded. “I must admit that I really enjoy building the fort and our homes. Ahhhh… My sisters would cackle and titter if they knew I was actually doing manual labor and building such things. But you know what, Victor? They are annoying, and I don’t care what they think anymore.”
“Good for you,” I chuckled.
“I think about our space yachts sometimes, though…” Trel’s voice trailed off, and she took a deep breath and looked up to the canopy of redwoods high above our heads.
“Uhhh… you think they will rescue us still?” I hesitated with my words because I didn’t quite know how to have this conversation with her again if she really had unrealistic expectations about her sisters saving us.
“Oh, no. Ewwwgghhhh.” Trel actually gagged. “They are not coming to save us. We have saved ourselves. No, Victor, I want to know how the space yachts work. The computers and machines inside. We had the workers build them. Duchesses and her family never needed to bother with such things, but now… now… I wonder how they traveled through space. I wish I could open one up and look at the machines inside. I wish someone could explain to me how they worked, and… I would like to build my own. Then I could take us all to the stars and across the galaxy. Wouldn’t that be fun?”
“It does sound soooo funnnn,” Galmine sighed. “Trel, you would be so good at building a space ya-hawt.”
“Of course I would,” Trel scoffed. “I am wonderful and perfect at everything I do. That is why you all love me so much.”
“It is good to take up new interests and hobbies,” Sheela commented with a slight smile on her face. “You have changed a lot since we first met, Trel.”
“Just because of Victor,” Trel snickered.
“We can thank Victor for many wonderful things in our life,” Galmine sighed as she batted her eyelashes at me, and then both Jinx and Shirely let out squawks and hoots in agreement.
“Victor,” Sheela said as she pointed ahead. “We are coming up to the log. Do you recall when we rode Hope inside while the green raptors chased us?”
“Yeah,” I said. “That was crazy. You shot most of them with your bow while I tried to steer Hope away.”
“I was very scared,” Sheela said flatly as she stared at the massive hollowed out tree laying on its side. “You had finally tamed a dinosaur and built a fort, and I wondered if that was all we were about to accomplish, but you pulled us through. Again.”
“Total team effort,” I laughed. “You, Hope, and me escaped. We needed each other.”
“And now Hope has just the cutest baby!” Galmine giggled as she held Shirley up to the sky and tickled the little parasaur’s tummy.
Shirley Temple’s hoots sounded just like a baby laughing, and the three of us smiled at each other as we slowly rode past the fallen tree.
We were almost to the side of the river, so I urged Beavis forward a bit so that I could scout first. Not that I needed to really, since Bruce was soaring overhead, and I could sense that Grumpy was waiting for us on the beach, but old habits were hard to break, and I was used to scouting the area before my women arrived.
“Hey, hey, hey, buddy!” I cooed as Beavis skidded to a stop next to Grumpy. The big purussaurus was an early ancestor to my world’s caiman, so he had a “U” shaped jaw, raised eyes, and tons of teeth.
Not to mention, he was about sixty-feet long and probably weighed more than a truck.
My big buddy was belly-flopping on the pebble-sand bank right by the big stream, but as soon as he heard me call out, he twisted his head toward me and let out a rumble-like purr that really did sound like an old diesel engine revving.
“Awww, I missed you, too, pal.” I jumped off Beavis’ back and then flopped on top of Grumpy’s rough shoulder area. Then I stroked his rough scales with my hands, and the big dude rumbled a little louder.
“You been hanging out and getting some sun?” I asked.
He rumbled a bit more.
“Yeah. It’s starting to get a little bit colder, so you are a smart guy to get your sun in now.”
“Oh? Yeah. I guess that makes sense. Just stretching out before we get going. You had quite a work out keeping up with Nicole on the way back from our trip south.”
“No, no, no,” I laughed. “You didn’t hold us up at all. Come on, buddy. We couldn’t have made that trip without you. You’re my big badass bodyguard.”
Grumpy hissed like a train’s steam engine and then rumbled like an earthquake.
“No way, dude,” I chuckled. “You kick ass. Don’t be getting all depressed on me. Look, you got it all going on. You are smart, fast, strong, and all the ladies think you are soooo handsome.”
“It’s true! How many belly rubs do you get everyday?”
“Yeah, see? You get tons of them. You are like the tribe mascot. So turn that frown upside down. You really helped me when you came south with Emerald and I, and you kept up with us on the way back when we were running from that asshole. You are an important member of our tribe, and don’t you dare think otherwise.”
I gave him a few more aggressive scratches right behind the eyes to further make my point, and the big crocodilian let out another long rumble of contentment.
“Everything okay?” Kacierie asked, and I turned around to see the entire tribe had ridden up over to us and was stopped at the edge of the stream.
“Yeah. Just getting some bonding time with my bud here. I was telling him how handsome everyone found him.” I patted Grumpy one last time and then wiggled off his back.
“He’s super handsome,” Kacerie laughed.
“Grumpy is such a great looking friend!” Galmine cheered.
“His teeth are fearsome, and he is unequaled in combat,” Gee said.
“I love the shade of his scales and how loud he rumbles,” Zoru added.
The rest of the women called out their compliments, and I could almost imagine the big gator blushing. He actually looked away from everyone for half a second, and his stomach purred loud enough to shake the ground where I was standing a few feet from him.
“Okay,” I said once everyone was done complimenting him. “Let’s continue. On the other side of this small river, the trail thins out a bit for the next mile or two and then we’ll have a steep rock formation on the left that forms a bit of a plateau we can access from farther south. Emerald and I actually thought about setting up somewhere over there, but I felt like it wasn’t far enough away from our old spot. Well, I’ll show you when we get there. Everyone ready?”
Grumpy gave a grunt and moved into the small river, and the rest of us slowly followed him.
I found myself riding next to Sheela, Galmine, Shirley, and Jinx again as we forded the water, and I couldn’t help but think about the first few times I’d come here with the beautiful cheetah-woman. I remembered how enchanted I’d been by her fierce beauty, and I let my mind play back all the scenes of her enjoying the cool water of the small river in her bikini. One of my favorite scenes was when she’d been wearing my hat, and she’d used it as a bit of a bowl to let the cool water flow over her thick blonde hair and down her toned shoulders.
“Uhhh… heyyyyy…” I cleared my throat as I reached up to where my hat was not sitting on my head. “Has anyone seen my hat?”
“I have not seen it recently.” Sheela frowned as she looked down at me.
“Ohhh noooo…” Galmine whined. “Victor. I remember seeing it in the hut where you were sleeping for so many days. It might still be there.”
“I doubt it. I’m sure someone grabbed it.” I pushed Beavis up to the front of the pack to where Sonny, Cher, Tom, and Katie were grouped together. “Kacerie, or anyone, did you pack my hat?”
“Ehhhhh… I don’t think I remember seeing it. Shit.” Kacerie grimaced and then she looked at Emerald.
“I haven’t seen it.” Liahpa frowned.
“Nor have I seen your hat,” Adella sing-songed.
“I saw it in your hut yesterday,” Keefaye offered.
That is also the last place I saw it, Mate. Emerald nodded as she gestured to Keefaye.
“Victor, I’m so sorry,” Tannin said as she blinked her big eyes. “I was going to grab it, but then I forgot. I can go back and--”
“It’s fine,” I said as I patted Beavis’ neck. “This guy is fast. I can just ride back and grab it real quick.”
“I’ll go with you,” Kacerie said as she stood up on Sonny’s back and looked around. “I’ll take Butt-head. Where did he go?”
“He’s at the back,” I chuckled. “You stay here. We might need your lance. Seriously, it will take five minutes to get there and back.”
“Victor, you should not go alone,” Liahpa frowned. “Can I come?”
“I’d rather all my heavy hitters stay with the group to protect everyone,” I said as we finished fording the small river.
“What is wrong?” Sheela asked as the group of dinos circled around me on the beach.
“I forgot my hat.” I grinned as I pointed up to my head.
“How could none of us have remembered our husband’s hat?” Trel groaned. “He loves that hat. We all need to do a better job of--”
“It’s my fault!” Tannin sighed. “I should have--”
“It’s my hat, so it’s my fault,” I said as I raised my hand. “I’m just going to ride back and get it.”
“And you should bring someone with you,” Kacerie said, and she gave a pointed look to Sheela.
“I will accompany you.” Sheela nodded.
“Nope. Ladies, come on. I’ll be right back.”
“Then bring the troodons,” Liahpa groaned.
“If I’d just left when I said I was going to leave, I’d be on my way back right now,” I laughed. “Beavis can outrun everything with teeth, and I want everyone to stay here and protect the group in case something with teeth decides to attack you all.”
“You need to bring some--” Kacerie began to argue again, but then she was interrupted by a powerful squawk and a flurry of blue feathers as Jinx jumped down from Bob’s back and kind of chicken-flew at me.
“There!” I laughed as I snatched my buddy from mid-air and cradled him in my arms. “I’m bringing Jinx. You all keep going south. I’ll be back in like ten minutes. You ready to go buddy?”
Jinx nodded his head and let out a proud squawk, and then I turned Beavis around and drove him into the stream again. Kacerie and Liahpa let out frustrated groans behind me, but I’d already commanded all my dinos to keep on moving southward, so they really couldn’t argue anymore.
“Can’t believe I left my hat,” I said to Jinx once we made it to the other side of the water and started running beside the fallen redwood. “I guess we had a lot going on.”
Jinx let out a peep and shrugged his wings in my lap.
“Nawww,” I laughed. “Don’t feel bad. It wasn’t your job to remember my hat. You sound like Tannin. She feels so bad. I’m going to have to reassure her a bunch when I get back.”
Jinx let out another long peep as he glanced down at Beavis’ neck.
“Ohhh snap. You hear that, Beavis? Jinx thinks you are running too slow.”
Beavis wiggled his head and let out a scoff-snort that almost sounded as annoyed as Grumpy. Then the pachy lowered his head, raised his hips a bit, and brought the power.
He really brought the power.
I knew these pachycephalosauruses were fast because I’d seen them run as a pack in the wild, but I hadn’t had a chance to really experience their true speed because I didn’t have a saddle. Trel’s first design looked to be a perfect fit around Beavis’ flanks, and the cordage and wood set up didn’t even bounce or sway at all as my new mount pushed himself as fast as he could.
It was impossible to gauge his true speed, but I had to lean forward, tighten my asshole, and grit my teeth as we accelerated way faster than I ever had before. Beavis was easily twice as fast as Hope, and she was the fastest of my other dinosaurs. We were maybe doing sixty miles, and I actually felt like the wind was trying to peel the skin off my face as the pachy launched us across the forest floor.
Trel was going to have to figure out how to make us riding goggles because I soon couldn’t even keep my eyes open, and I barely heard Jinx squawking for mercy over the rush of the wind past my ears.
Then, almost too suddenly, we were slowing to a jog, and I was able to pry my teary eyes open to see that we were trotting back inside the fort walls.
“Damnnnn dude,” I laughed as a I patted Beavis’ neck. “Jinx will never talk shit again. That was fucking fast.”
Jinx let out a chirp of agreement, and Beavis tossed his head and snorted proudly.
I rode the pachy to Hope’s doggie door, but then Jinx and I jumped off him so that he could catch his breath easier. A few moments later my blue chocobo buddy and I were in my hut, and I spotted my hat laying in the far corner.
“There you are,” I said as I picked it up from the packed dirt of the hut. Then I let out a gasp when I saw that my radio was laying coiled under it.
I stared at the device for a few moments as my brain tumbled like Winnie the Pooh falling out of the honey tree and hitting every branch. The radio really reminded me of home and my job at the Los Angeles Animal Control, and I wondered what had happened to Lacey and her pool party.
Did Lacey find Old Guss parked out front of her mansion?
Did her and the other girls at the pool party look for me?
I doubted my old boss Beatrice would have spearheaded an investigation into my disappearance, but maybe someone else would have wondered where a government employee disappeared to. Maybe Lacey had looked and looked, but when she hadn’t found me, she would of course go on with her life.
Everyone has to go on with their life.
Jinx let out a sad chirp, and I looked down at him.
“I’m happy here, bud,” I said as I knelt down to pet him. “I didn’t have… well… really anything back on Earth. Maybe Lacey and I would have dated or something, but I didn’t really know her or love her. I just loved the idea of her. I’m really happy here, and I feel like I matter. Know what I mean?”
Jinx chirped twice and nodded as he wiggled into my fingers so I could scratch him deeper.
“Well, I’ve got my hat,” I said as I stood and put it on my head, “Maybe I could use the radio for something one day, but I don’t really care. I’m not that nerdy dude from Earth anymore. I’m a badass King of Dinosaurs. Right? Right. Now, let’s get back to all the women who love us.”
Jinx followed me out of the inner fort, but just as we stepped clear of the doggie door, I felt a jolt of alarm pass through Beavis, and I saw a flash of ultra bright light at the far gate of our fort.
My mind stopped, and Beavis darted away from me and around the big oak tree an instant later.
Then my heart jumped into my throat when I saw someone with massive shoulders walk through the gate.
My body moved before my brain could catch up, and I dove across the ground before sliding into the nearest well face first. Then I was falling, but I somehow managed to twist my body around so that I landed in the waist-deep water feet-first.
Jinx followed me down into the well, and I caught him before he hit the water.
Then both of us froze in the darkness.
The seconds turned into minutes, and then those minutes turned into hours. Finally, I heard a boot crunch on something crackly, and a voice hissed.
“Looks like a piece of clay.” The voice was deep and sounded like someone who had spent most of his life drinking whiskey and inhaling cigarettes.
“They aren’t here.” Another voice said. This one was male too, but he was a bit higher pitched and had a bit of a nasal twang like a newscaster.
“She said they would be here.” A third voice said, and this one was raspy. “Did you search inside those walls? I thought I saw movement behind the tree. I’ll go look. We’ll find them. She wants this ‘Victor’ male, and you know what will happen if we don’t bring him to her.”
Jinx and I looked at each other, and I could feel my little buddy start to tremble in my arms.
“Shit.” I mouthed to him silently as we stood in the dark wet well. “We are in trouble.”